Cries of My Heart
By Roxanne Richard
I was in my early 20’s when I went to the ER as I couldn’t keep anything down. I told them I may be pregnant, and I was on the Pill. Before I knew it, I was admitted for observation, given x-rays, and had my stomach pumped for hours. Come morning, I was met with an angry doctor, who sat down, flipped open my chart, and pointed to the red inked circled around «positive» for pregnancy. My doctor strongly suggested that I have an abortion because of what they had done to me the night before. I CHOSE ABORTION.
I drove for three hours, registered at the clinic in Iowa City, and sat by a wild-eyed redhead who tried to reassure me by saying the procedure was simple and quick. It was her sixth abortion. Lying on the bed, the nurse spread my legs, and before I knew it there was an awful sucking noise. I realized the sound was coming out of me, so I started fighting for them to stop. They calmed me down saying «it was nothing,” and they “would be done shortly.» The next thing I knew I was 10 miles from there, puking my guts out on the side of the road, and moaning how wrong it all was. I slept on the way home and awoke to a cold beer and drugs before my pool league started.
I’m here to share how my choice to have an ABORTION affected my life each and every day for over 25 years. I suffered three miscarriages before I finally had my son Jesse, who is now 20 years old. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was ALWAYS something missing in my life. I was a control freak, a drug addict, and an angry, bitter female, who couldn’t look at herself in the mirror. Plagued with constant, self-destructive thoughts, I forgot how it felt to hold my head high. I told myself I was selfish, condemned, and unlovable to anyone, ESPECIALLY myself. My idea of a relationship was a one night stand or being with the guy who had the most drugs at the time. I went to different doctors for different prescriptions month after month, year after year. I was always in a hurry, chasing what I couldn’t understand or define.
I praise GOD for using Silent No More Awareness and Rachel’s Vineyard Abortion Recovery Retreats to touch me and heal places I never knew were broken.
My babies have a name; I will never be the same.
Life is not a game, not even for a minute.
Jesus is my lifeline, and I’ll NEVER forget it.