Free at last!
Here’s my story that you may use to help other women. I promised both Fr Joseph Mary, MFVA My spiritual director, and Fr Pavone, who I met at EWTN, that I was finally healed enough to do this. This was the first year that I was able to look at anything pro-life because there was still such a sense of sadness, shame, and guilt surrounding my abortion at the age of 19. I am currently aged 51.
I had gotten pregnant by someone I hardly knew or liked. The “sex, drugs and rock-in roll” Era. I am from the Cleveland area, and flew to New York by myself because I was afraid to tell my parents and I remember being so “scared” up there by myself but felt that God was looking out for me. The Dr at the abortion clinic said I might want to go the hospital because of the advancement of the pregnancy, can’t truly remember what he said, but I said “NO!” So they did it in the clinic anyway.
It was pretty painful and I ended up with a scar on my cervix, which was probably a precursor for my cervical cancer, which I developed at the age of 47. I happen to be an RN, but wasn’t at the age of 19. I managed to get back to the airport and flew back to Cleveland. Well, my parents did meet me at the Cleveland Airport on my way home some of my brothers knew I was pregnant. I received mixed reviews. My mom called me a slut, and my father was just glad to see me safe and never chastised me for it. Nothing was ever said about it again!!
I felt so mixed up- non supported and angry for so many years after that! When I went into addiction treatment at the age of 30, I started to really feel the pain about the abortion and did quite a bit of therapy around it. I was able to believe that God had forgiven me on an intellectual basis and that He had taken care of the baby. I wrote a letter to the baby and did a ceremony of entrusting him/her to God. This was powerful because there was about 3 or 4 of us who had experienced abortion and it was then that I knew I could begin to heal!
God had blessed me with a beautiful daughter at the age of 24 when I was married and I felt so undeserving. Not until I was 50 did I really accept the concept of Pro-life as I was coming back to the Faith. Converted in my early 30’s-Lukewarm and selective about which precepts I liked!! I had even told my daughter about this experience and had also driven my sister to have an abortion.
The conversion really came when God brought Fr Joseph and Fr Pavone into my life. Fr Joseph talked me into going to Confession prior to Easter and so I did and that was the 1st time I told a well known Priest (the one who brought me into the Church) that I had had an abortion at age 19. Of course he was very loving and accepting, but I knew Fr. Joe would be for some reason. So, I then had the privilege of actually meeting Fr. Joseph Mary and Fr. Pavone and the healing has slowly continued after watching all the Pro-life shows on EWTN and visiting the Priest for Life website. I can remember (not that long ago) finally looking at the pictures of the aborted babies. Don’t know if I could have had one if I had seen those pictures at 19 or any other age!!
I told you I am a RN specialized in Psychiatry and to this day and for all times I would never be able to assist with an abortion. I had to grieve a lot, including the loss of a niece or nephew (my sister). I knew what she would go through but said nothing. God has forgiven me for that. Realized a lot after watching Janet, Fr. Mitch, and Fr. Pavone on an EWTN Live show.
I am grateful to God and to all the people like you who have been supportive to the healing of everyone who has gone through an abortion. I am especially grateful to all the good Priests who were nonjudgmental about the fact that I had murdered a child and assisted my sister to do the same by driving her to an abortion clinic and allowing her to go through that process without trying to stop her. I have experienced many painful things in my life, but this by far was one of the longest, deepest scars that I carried for too may years and thought that I would have to silently take to my grave. I am grateful to all of you who have helped me to be silent no more! God Bless and Peace. Free at last…!