GET OVER IT!
I met a man 10 years older than me at a party. He said he was getting divorced, had papers filed, etc. We had a romantic encounter and while I expected to see him again, he never called. I found out two weeks later that he, in fact, was married and had no intentions of getting a divorce. The problem deepened when I learned that he was my sister’s brother-in-law. I was 22-years-old and crushed. I didn’t want to have an abortion. I pleaded with everyone as to why I should have this baby; I was given so many reasons why I shouldn’t: “the baby’s father is married,” “he wouldn’t want anything to do with the baby,” “he’ll deny it”, “your father will die” (He was a heart patient who had had many heart attacks by this time and it was feared that this would put him over because he had raised us strict!), “you’re too young, don’t worry you can have more.” I heard many more and felt I had no choice but to have an abortion. When I said I didn’t have the money, my sister’s husband (the baby’s father’s brother) loaned it to me and even offered to drive me to and from the clinic. The father was NEVER told about my pregnancy; it was a family secret.
My brother-in-law drove me to the clinic and made sure I went into the room. I was devastated; I didn’t want to do this. The nurse did another pregnancy test. Seeing how upset I was, she told me it appeared that I might be having a miscarriage anyway and gave me a gown to put on. I climbed on the table and put my legs in the stirrups. The room was so cold, and so white…I was given anesthesia and told to count backwards. I awoke in a room that was also white and cold, but this one was filled with many women separated from me by sheet partitions. I felt like I was in a slaughter house. I cried. I felt like dying. I heard other women weeping in the same way. The nurse came in and checked me. I’d never seen so much blood before; the cramping was unreal. She told me my ride was there and asked if I’d like a cracker. I said no and she wheeled me to the back of the clinic, a door where women leave without being seen. I went home and cried for the whole weekend.
Life became destructive. I drank, used drugs, and became promiscuous. I just didn’t care. I didn’t think of the abortion for years and years. It wasn’t until 15 years later that I remembered and became depressed and suicidal.
The father is now my brother in law because I met and married another of his brothers. Seeing him is extremely hard. I told his wife about my abortion, but I never told her directly who the father was. I did tell her, however, that her husband had something to tell her. Once they figured it out, we didn’t speak for 3 years. We finally got together to talk about it with a priest. My brother-in-law was in denial about what I went through and didn’t understand why I just couldn’t “GET OVER IT”. He never once told me he was sorry for lying about being married. Maybe if I’d known I wouldn’t have slept with him. His wife pretends to understand but she’s deeply troubled about it. She will be a friend for a few months then for a few more she won’t talk to me. Life is very hard. I will always regret my abortion. I know others will regret in time.
Victoria