I was involved in an abortion with my girlfriend because I just could not imagine myself being a father. At that time I had no source of income. My girlfriend and I loved each other very much. She did not like the idea of aborting the baby, but I was confused. She was starting her exams and I was still live with my mum, so I insisted on the abortion.
I had never experienced abortion before, so I had to go look for someone and some place to do it. I also had to borrow the money from someone. The clinic was something else. It was unkempt and very humiliating. My girlfriend was frightened, but I told her that no matter what happened, I would still love her and take any further responsibility. During the abortion procedure, I was afraid myself. I felt like a murderer, an innocent-baby killer, a destroyer, and a life taker. All that came to my mind was, “Thou shall not kill.”
Immediately after the abortion, she came out crying, and she felt pain all over her body. I wondered, “What have I done? Did I just pay someone to flush-out our baby?” I also felt like the worse sinner living on earth. I felt I would not be able to love her again.
As time went on after the abortion, I felt emptiness. I settled for alcohol every time I thought of what I had done. Sometimes, we would argue about whose fault it was; I would get angry at her for not stopping the abortion and she blamed me for insisting on it.
I found help and forgiveness by the grace and mercy of Jesus. I cried out to God at night and told Him all I had done. By the help of the Holy Spirit, I opened the Bible and studied Jesus’ healing and forgiveness. The story that caught my attention was that of the woman caught in the very act of adultery and Jesus said, “Go and sin no more,” Is.1:16-18, 1 Jhn.1:9. I felt peace and forgiveness. I believed His Word, and I still believe the heavenly Father, the only one who understands our pain, has forgiven me.
I shared this Love with my girlfriend and we prayed to Him together, thanking Him for His unconditional Love. Today we still live our lives as children who have been forgiven by Jesus. He has given us a new start so that we can love ourselves not according to our lust, but according to His will and that is why I am silent no more.