It was about twenty-one years ago that I had an abortion. I was raped, and I can honestly tell you that I regret my abortion. The man that raped me was somebody I knew. A few weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant. I felt like I wanted to die because I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to go. So I called my mom who was living in Los Angeles at the time, and I told her I wanted to come see her. So she sent me the ticket to come to America. I decided not to tell my mom the news about my pregnancy. But my sister figured it out because she saw me throwing up.
So one cold morning, my mom escorted me to the room, and told me to get ready. She screamed many things at me, but she specifically said, “I have talked to many people, and they said there is nothing inside. I’m taking you to an abortion clinic.” I cried when the nurse took me away to the operating room. I didn’t know what to do. I was in a strange country; I didn’t speak the language, I didn’t know where to turn. They put me to sleep so I didn’t feel anything. Two weeks later when I came back to the abortion clinic, the nurse told me that I had had a baby boy. It was then that I realized that what my mom had said was a lie. I had killed a real baby.
Living my life with this kind of guilt has not been easy. I blamed myself one-hundred percent for what happened, even the rape, that one time I considered suicide. I wish I would have had a choice, I wish I would’ve given my baby up for adoption. I wish I would’ve given my baby a chance to live. I was left with no hope, no dreams, no future. Just September 2003, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The type of cancer I have is not related to my genes nor my hormones. I wonder if the reason that has been done to relate breast cancer to abortion is true in my case.
Years ago, I talked to my mom about this abortion. She cried, and she said to me, “I thought you forgot about it.” I can honestly tell you today that is the only thing in my life I would never forget had happened. Today, I’m sanding here because I know that God has forgiven me, and I’ve been able to forgive myself, and forgive those that hurt me.